teachers  I have great respect for teachers and have worked with many wonderful teachers over the last two decades. I believe that teachers are underpaid and should have higher salaries! And as most parents know the best teachers are those that have a passion for children and recognize that education is entertainment. Great teachers know the value of having fun while learning and how to encourage kids to be great!

While I know that teaching is a very hard job, not a day goes by that numerous children don’t mention to me that a teacher said something mean to them. They are hurt daily, feel overly controlled and I have seen it affect children’s mood and self esteem. Many kids mention to me that the teacher doesnt like them and sometimes its true and sometimes its the way the teacher says things. I think it’s important for teachers and parents to realize that children perceive things as mean that we as adults might not think are mean.

I compiled a list on different ways a teacher or parent can enlist cooperation from children with kind words(Time-In) instead of hurtful words. I am hopeful that we can all improve how we communicate and teach children.

Thanks: Deborah McNelis   Shara Weiss    Lori Lite for your contributions..

Download here Teachers: 40 ways to Gain Cooperation with Kind Words TIME-IN  

And Marya @havalah on twitter a wonderful teacher suggests most importantly ” if you do make a mistake as we all do….Let’s apologize when we hurt a child, even if it’s in front of everyone. After all we are the grown-ups and responsible one

How to become a Behavior and Feelings Detective and 100’s of new techniques to Raise Amazing Kids


Dear Teachers and Parents, if you have additional ideas or stories please send them our way and I will add them!
• Parents and Teachers are children’s most powerful role models to teach children how to  be happy, handle stress and to be resilient.

• If we teach our kids one way to behave, but as adults we behave another way, we are  sending unhealthy mixed messages.

• As Teachers and Parents we should behave the way that we want our kids to copy.

Show, Dont Tell, Be a Role Model. Children do what we do, not what we tell them to do.

• Every time we correct a child’s behavior we are hurting their feelings, so requesting new

behavior in a positive way gains their cooperation, respect and improves self esteem.

• Become a Feelings & Behavior Detective to Create Happier Healthier Kids. Understand that

hard feelings are expressed in a child’s behaviors and those feelings need to be talked about to improve the behavior.

• Every Feeling Turns Into a Behavior: when not Listened to or Talked about and every behavior is an expression of a hidden feeling.

• Teachers ask yourselves ”what can I change about myself, so my classroom’s behavior changes”

Download the printable chart of 40 different ways to gain cooperation without hurt feelings

Teachers: 40 ways to Gain Cooperation with Kind Words TIME-IN 

New Book  How to Become a Feelings and Behavior Detective 


14 Responses to Mean things Teachers say and Kinder ways to connect!

  1. Shara says:

    Thank you, Ava. I haven’t yet finished my teaching degree but some day, I hope to. This list will help me so I appreciate being a part of this with you and the other terrific ladies!

  2. aparnass says:

    Thanks Shara ,I appreciate your excellent input to the list, I wish my child had you for a teacher, you have excellent creative smart skills when it comes to kids!!

  3. I think the last observation is the one teachers really need to ask. What is needed to change in the teacher’s attitude before the students’ behavior changes. Hmmm…

    • aparnass says:

      So very true Barbara,for parents too! Thanks for commenting!
      If we change what we are doing they improve!
      So many people don’t realize that or take responsibility for that!

  4. Naomi says:

    It is so true Ava, Just recently I had a boy who felt that his teacher was picking on him when she shouted at the whole class. He had directed the shouting at himself when it was not.

    • aparnass says:

      I know its hard for the teachers.. But it’s so true Naomi..the kids are really upset by many many things the teachers say! And they personalize so much.
      Thanks for commenting!

  5. Such an important topic … thanks! One of the questions I put on my deck of character cards is, “What would you do if your teacher was showing bullying behaviors toward you and/or the class?” Kids are in such a precarious position because they’re taught to respect adults but what to do when respect doesn’t go both ways? SO very important for us as teachers, mentors, coaches, parents to self-reflect and make sure we’re intentionally working to create a climate and culture of caring and compassion in our classrooms and homes. We are, after all, shaping the hearts and minds of the future every time we are in the presence of a child. What an awesome responsibility!

    • aparnass says:

      So True Barbra, Do you have a specific sentence example you can share? And then a better way for kids to handle it..

      • I actually heard a sixth-grade teacher yelling these words: It’s called respect, people, why do you try showing some? And then she wondered why the kids were SO disrespectful in her room….I sure wish I had the answer about what a student should do with that….they are definitely in a tough spot with a teacher like that. As a counselor on that teacher’s campus, I decided to “care-front” her about what I heard and have a courageous conversation with her.

        • aparnass says:

          So true Barbara I’m sure this teacher had no idea what she was doing 🙁 that sounds great care front:)!
          I wrote this in hopes that the teachers who may not know another way to do it but want to try would have some ideas:)
          I also wanted to point out that every day words hurts kids and that’s an important thing to know!
          I use these sayings for teacher in-service and I give them to the
          psychology department in the schools who also do the teachings to give some idea of better ways of saying things.
          I’m so glad we are on the same page !

  6. Annie Fox says:

    Thank you for these excellent post, Ava. You hit it right on the head. parents and teachers are our children’s most powerful influencers. Let’s be sure we’re influencing in the direction of respect, kindness, and compassion!

  7. aparnass says:

    Thanks Barbara , appreciate being added to blog roll will ck it out!

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