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dontleave2From an Anonymous Mom:  I need some mom advice… We let go of our nanny, gave her one week notice.  In short she didn’t think she needs to answer my call, and was on her cell ALL the time while with my 2.5 year old. She said I should buy her a phone ??   Anyway we found a new nanny that starts soon that seems wonderful.; great references , musical background , art (my daughter is very artistic and sings all the time)… my question is this   do I have her watch my child next week knowing she knows its her LAST ? or do I send her a check ?  Im kinda worried now…

Advice

   That’s hard when that happens with the nanny especially since  we are really co-parenting with our nanny’s and our partners.  Many families are also co-parenting with grandparents and or siblings. Every family is different. Its important to find someone that can support your families style and you can work well together. Children pick up tension and anxiety all the time.

I am glad you found someone that will work better!  That being said keep in mind that your child is attached to the nanny and is too young to understand that you’re doing something better for her. I wouldn’t leave her alone with the nanny next week, but I would allow them to say goodbye! 

Closure and goodbyes are very important even when you cant co-parent well with your nanny, because your child is attached to this person, regardless of how you feel. Helping your child with her feelings for the next week or month is very important!  Maybe have a pretend goodbye party at your house next week when you give her the check. And over this weekend play with some of the stuffed animals that nanny is  saying goodbye, she has to go and let the child know it’s not her fault. You can say “saying goodbye is hard but mommy and daddy will help her  with her feelings, and somebody new will come play with her!

The book Listen To Me Please has some good illustrations and words that in combination helps baby’s and toddlers manage hard feelings.

Here’s what mom did 

None of the above:)

Her response:  My child (2.5 yrs  is too young to have feelings about her babysitter of more then a year.

I am going to hire a  one week nanny-

Here is what I say

It always saddens me when parents don’t  understand that babies/toddlers have feelings  too. But I was happy to talk to another family that loved this advice and handled the problem situation with their nanny in a more psychological  kind fashion.

 

 

6 Responses to From a mom: We let go of nanny, gave her 1 wk notice and mailed a check. Mom didn’t know #Toddlers have feelings 2

  1. Shara says:

    Babies have feelings – you bet! Here is a post I wrote about my baby and her desire to eat her own food, without me bossing her around:

    May the force be without you: http://earlychildhoodnews.net/health/brain-development/742-force-feeding-may-the-force-be-without-you

    We currently have a sitter/nanny and she leaves in a few weeks. She is going on a mission trip (Oregon) and I know my kids will be very sad to see her go. We talked it over and decided to make a countdown calendar. You can view it here, in fact:

    http://www.wikkistix.com/blog/crafts-for-kids/make-a-countdown-calendar-with-wikki-stix/

    She asked me, “Do you think that will make it harder on them or easier?” I said, “I think it will help with the transition and it will help them with their feelings, etc, yes.” So far, it’s working great. We talk about it daily and the kids are able to let us know, “We’re going to miss her when she is gone.”

    We’ll probably do a going away party, too, and I’ll take the kids shopping to pick out a gift. Granted, we have a great sitter, and this lady you wrote about might be feeling as though she doesn’t WANT to invest the time/energy into her current sitter (because the experience was a let down). However, her child’s feelings do need to be considered, yep! Studies have proven that babies and small children have BIG FEELINGS :-) That’s a fact.

    • aparnass says:

      Thanks Shara for weighing in, Those posts are perfect resources..
      Love the calendar idea and the party..Regardless of how one feels about the nanny your child may feel differently.
      And yes while it makes it harder to role model a nice goodbye when you dont like the sitter, our kids need to learn that from watching us!

  2. Dr. Sally says:

    What is always most helpful when trying to figure out how to handle a situation related to children and their feelings is to find out as much as you can directly from them. Ask your child all kinds of open-ended questions about his or her understanding of what is happening. Sometimes you will guess right, and sometimes you will be way off base. Here are a few of the well-known effective “listening to kids” tools. There are more.

    * Start with the open-ended sentence “Tell me about…”
    * Shift to the expansion words and phrases like “Oh, uh huh, yes, oh, I see…”
    * Use the “Who, where, and how” question starter words.

    Most of all, don’t forget to listen 70% of the time and talk for 30%. You will be amazed at what you can find out.

  3. aparnass says:

    Thanks Dr Sally for weighing in !! Great suggestions, love that listen 70% talk 30 %
    I would go so far as to say just say this “Oh, uh huh, yes, oh, I see…(lol)

  4. Dr. Sally says:

    Yes, it is amazing what we can find out if we just “listen.” I guess that is one of those concepts that is easier said than done. Love what you do to teach that skill to parents.

  5. aparnass says:

    Thanks so much dr Sally for the compliment! And right back at you!
    It really does take a village of therapists, doesn’t it
    (Lol)

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