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http://web.me.com/mushmuzak/ListenToMePlease.com_blog/Blog/Blog.html
new song youtube video..stinkin thinkin.......get some shrinkin
what you dont know can hurt you & your kids..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1w29tR1VMbs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLuwo8Ml_B4&feature=channel
Ask the Therapist: Would you like to find personal answers to your parenting problems instead of just reading books, that you don't have time to read? :Would you like an experienced child therapist to answer your questions without having to travel to an office and pay 250.00 dollars a session? With small children running around sometimes you don't even have time to answer your phone or get the support you need!
If you answered yes to any of the above questions,then Ava Parnass is here to help make things easier! You can have a personal private video consultation for your family that will provide helpful solutions for your kids meltdowns overeating or misbehaving . Help without leaving your home or having to call and wait for an appointment. For questions how this service works and fee just e mail mushythemagicbook@gmail.com. Its very easy,we all have cell phones,after sending payment just E mail a 3 minute Video clip of your families meltdown/problem in action, along with an email describing your situation to mushythemagicbook@gmail.com for helpful tips.
Ms Parnass will email you a summary of how to change your families interaction based on over 15 years of experience working with families and children. As an experienced clinician Ms Parnass can watch the video clip and see how to help make your life with your kids easier ,happier ,more fun, in addition to solving problems. Ms Parnass will provide different helpful solutions to raising happy healthier kids. Payment accepted through paypal!
Ask the Therapist: If you have any questions about Ask a Therapist service please e mail mushythemagicbook@gmail.com If you are interested in this service please e mail your video mp3 clip. Once payment is confirmed through paypal you will receive your answer within 4 days time! Thanks
My Feelings Are Hungry: The Missing Link in the Overeating Epidemic Excerpt from manuscript in progress by Ava Parnass, MSN CS “When Families Overeat and Children Misbehave, Consider The Power of Feelings”
There is a missing link in the campaigns and books about overeating in childhood: most don't address the underlying emotional reasons why children overeat or misbehave. Parents need specific, effective techniques that teach kids how to discover and express their feelings to prevent the food-mood connection that leads to overeating. We teach our children to walk, talk and read, but if we start teaching them to recognize and express their feelings effectively, they won't need to medicate their emotional needs with food or other behaviors.
In my various projects “My Feelings Are Hungry” and “Listen To Me Please,” I address what I call the The Power of Feelings — the missing link in the overeating epidemic. The songs and the Feeling Town Map at the back of the book, “My Feelings Are Hungry” teach parents and children how to be detectives, and reinforce the principles and techniques introduced in the book. More information is available on my website, ListenToMePlease.com.
Please keep in mind as you embark on this feelings journey that it is hard to do alone! Many parents have trouble with the deceptively simple concept of the connection between feelings and actions. In my practice, I have found that most people didn’t learn about feelings growing up, and it’s hard to teach your kids what you don’t know. I also see that most adults mean well, and in fact do think they are teaching their kids about feelings. However the childhood obesity and psychiatric statistics suggest that we need to do much better.
A Typical Food Meltdown
Here is a story that takes place in households and restaurants all over the country. It is upsetting, embarrassing and ruins the day for everyone. We all make mistakes, and our feelings sometimes make us act in ways we regret. On a play-date in a restaurant, Mercedes, a young mother, starts off excited and happy to be getting together with her friends and their kids. She asks her 4-year-old Millie what would she would like for lunch. Millie says, “a mini-bagel,” and Mercedes buys it. So far, so good.
After returning to the table, Millie sees her friend Elaine eating a very large cookie, and in a whiny voice that spells trouble she asks her Mom if she can have one too. Mercedes says, “No, you have a bagel, and you’re going to a party later.” At this point Millie starts crying and screaming, “No, I want a cookie!” very loudly over and over, disturbing the other customers in the restaurant. Mercedes says sternly “When I say no, it means no, and I mean it!” Then Millie’s friend Elaine adds insult to injury, saying that Millie is “acting like a baby.”
Now Millie complains to her mom, “She just called me a baby.” More chaos ensues, spoiling the nice get-together. Mercedes is feeling awful. Finally the manager, in a very exasperated tone, says to Millie, “I will give you a cookie when you leave, if you finish your bagel.” This is just to quiet her down. Millie then quite happily quiets down and continues playing with her friend. Meanwhile, her Mom is seething that this stranger offered her daughter a cookie on top of her lunch and everything else she will eat all day. When they get in the car to go home, Millie says, “Where is the cookie the man promised me?” Mercedes says, “You have to learn that when I say no, it means no. And I want no screaming tantrums. That man is not your Daddy or your Mommy. I make the rules — so no cookie. And if we didn't have to go to party right now I would take away your Barbies.” Later that night, when Millie asks for her desert, her Mom says, “No desert. You didn't behave today in the restaurant.And you can’t watch TV tonight.”
Rewinding The Day and Preventing Recurring Episodes
Meltdown and Begging: A Prevention and Repair Plan: In addition to serving a healthy breakfast, start off the day right with a healthy “emotional breakfast.” For example, engage your children in a “feelings minute” before you head out the door, taking their emotional temperatures. Then continue to use these positive parenting techniques throughout the day. Note: meltdowns eat up a lot more time than following these steps! In addition to reading “My Feelings or Hungry” with your kids, take your pick of things to say or do from the following list:
Spend 3 minutes of quality time in the morning with your kids — even if you are rushing. For example, turn on a favorite song and do a dance. Chase your kids around the room, laughing and saying “I am going to get you!” Finish with a hug.
If your child has already had too many snacks, or has a party coming up, instead of saying “No, you can’t have a cookie,” say “We can have a cookie later. Let’s talk or play a bit first.” Or ask, “What kind of compromise can we make that’s healthy?” Depending on the child’s age, for example, offer half of a cookie and half of a bagel. Always have healthy snacks on hand. I suggest one or two Orgran Mini Outback Animal cookies, or Brothers All-Natural Fruit Crisps — they satisfy like junk food, but they’re not!
If you notice your child is overeating, don’t criticise or comment on their size or their tummy. Instead, say “I notice that you’re really hungry. Is your tummy hungry, or are your feelings hungry?” If they’re begging, try saying this: “I notice you’re asking for a lot of snacks right now. It makes me wonder if something is bothering you. Did something happen today?”
Most children will answer that nothing is bothering them, because they don’t yet know how to identify and express their feelings. In my books “My Feelings Are Hungry” and “Listen To Me, Please! I have many great conversation-starters — and techniques on how to teach your children to identify and express what they feel so they can cooperate and also eat healthy! : Or You can e mail me for a video consultation
Check out new song and video ,guess who is singing?:) win a free song...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1w29tR1VMbs when you or your kids crave more more of everything sing and dance to this instead...
Every day I am subjected to multiple stories that friends ,relatives or strangers tell me about. Generally it is in regards to their children’s antics or discipline issues that they think are funny ,had hard time with or just want some one to listen to and be supportive.
Sometimes they are asking for my help but over the years I learned that generally they are not telling me because they think they handled it wrong or because they need my help, they are telling me because they are sharing.We all need, like to and want to share our stories.
However with all the stories I hear and with all my experience all I see is how everyone is trying and trying so hard to raise their kids right. But despite how hard everyone is trying unfortunately they are still making so many mistakes daily understanding how their kids feel and are unaware of these mistakes.
People keep sharing their stories with me never seeing what's wrong with what happened to their child or how they handled the situation. I try to show empathy but am saddened due to the sheer number of stories I hear told the same way with a complete lack of psychological understanding as to the child's best interest when it comes to feelings...
Parents generally find these stories interesting or funny,sadly I don’t, I find it psychologically damaging and hurtful to the children and am caught between being polite and listening and always wanting to scream in my head and out loud “are you kidding me with that? How come you not aware of how hurtful and harmful that is to your child.”? What I realized over the years is that unless you were taught feelings as a child or had therapy as an adult you cant teach your child what you never learned and dont know.
Although I am sure many parents would disagree with this and think they are teaching their kids how to understand how they feel, twenty years of clinical practice has taught me parents just think they are teaching feelings the correct way. The rising mental health issues and obesity in kids proves that our kids are not being educated correctly in understanding how they feel.
Here are just 3 of the stories I listened to in one hour:
A mom came over to me in the park and said with a wry grin my daughter punched me in the stomach yesterday. She proceeded to say ”I was so upset I made her write a note –essay on being sorry and why it is wrong to hit your mom.”
I just stood there and looked at her, what did she expect from me ,why is she telling me this and what does she want me to say? This is a mom who has read my books , seen my work in action and asked me countless of times for free advice on how to handle things and still remains unable to learn to add the simple question of asking her child what she is feeling that made her hit her mom instead of talking about it using her words,in addition to limit setting.
There is nothing wrong with writing an essay and saying sorry, that is appropriate and respectful, hitting behavior is not acceptable. But what did this girl learn, nothing, she learned that when you hit you write a note saying sorry. I myself would keep hitting who cares about writing a note.
The child didn't learn that instead of hitting you talk about what you feel. Later that child whom I know a long time ran over to tell me what happened and said unprompted by me “my mom didn't ask me what I felt and why I hit her” ...the kid gets it.
I said what where you feeling she said “I was angry and jealous that my mom was going out at night with a friend (a grown up) who doesn't have time for me and I was disappointed and lonely another friend my age couldn't play longer. And I needed more time alone with my mom cause I missed her.”
Then the child says imitating me “At no time did my mom ask me what I was feeling”,” Or ask me to say my feelings instead of hitting.”
I smiled and said sorry those are very hard feeling to have and that’s hard your mom forgot to help you talk about it… next time maybe you can remind your mom to ask you what you feel so you can talk instead of hit.
The problem with this solution is it’s not really the child's job to remember this but what alternative is there when the mom is unable to learn and remember this fact. This is not an unusual circumstance that children I know come up to me talking about what they feel cause they are sad their grown ups keep missing this simple fact to ask what are you feeling when they misbehave are cranky or overeating.
I generally try to avoid a barrage of these stories whenever I can but some days more stories get into my head than I would like. That same hour a Dad shared his sad tale with me ,I suppose thinking I would be happy to hear this story and of course I tried to be polite.
He told me his daughter age 3 year called her grandmother on the phone a few times and hung up each time on her unbeknownst to him. When he found out he called his mom (the grandmother) and apologized for the intrusion and said laughingly “don’t worry I disciplined your granddaughter I hit her on the butt.” The grandmother he said seemed to appreciate this transaction.
I listened politely and am now sharing the story with you readers.
Every time you yell at a child, scold them or hit them you change who they are as a person and who they will become. We are here on this planet to gently and kindly educate our children into becoming successful adults. Hitting scoldong harsh discipline teaches children nothing except that when you misbehave you get hit. All the research shows that hitting does not deter bad behavior in the long run. It only causes addictions or criminal activity or more abuse in the next generation.
This story was told to me with a feeling that the right thing was done here and the child was wrong and the grown ups taught her a lesson…. Again I felt like screaming, but instead choose to write the solution here.
Here are the many alternatives to hitting☺
The child is 3 years old and it is developmentally age appropriate to be playing with the phone, that’s what kids do at this age. So what, …they played with the phone big deal…redirect the behavior substitute another behavior. You don’t discipline a child for things that are normal for that age.
You channel the behavior into starting to teach them to dial phone numbers for emergency (that will take a year of teaching/learning.)
You get them a fake phone which is why toy companies make million’s inventing toys that are age appropriate, also get the child an old real phone to play with .
To be punished for playing with the phone is like hitting an infant for peeing in the diaper. In fact playing with the phone is to be encouraged; the child is smart and curious. The children are also copying their grown-ups , most adults talk on the phone a lot of the time ignoring their kids till the kids act up and demand attention. Instead we should be teaching them to meet their needs and ask us to get off the phone and play with them. The adults are role modeling phone behavior.
Discuss the phone with your child simply gently say we use this phone to play with showing the substitute item. This might take a number of tries but that’s how kids learn. Keep trying gently to teach. Don’t make a big deal about it, don’t say it harshly. If you discipline something normal harshly at some point they will stop listening to you all together, because again at some point deep down they know there is something wrong with how you are teaching them.
Also it is a good idea to make learning things fun and encourage cooperation by earning a reward instead of time-outs and negative commands. Research has shown kids just stop listening and tune out negative stuff like adults do.
In addition you can tell your child “you accidentally dialed grandma a few times by mistake , let’s call her and say hello and say sorry, add that we all make mistakes that’s how we learn. You’re not bad it was just a mistake.
Ask your child if perhaps they miss grandma and we can call her together. You wont get an answer most likely but you are starting to educate her on her feelings and connecting behavior to an expression of a feelings .
You can also help teach your child to dial the phone. Ask her who would you like to call on the phone make it a weekly game? Say let’s practice, bring me the phone when you want to talk to someone if you miss them and I will help you dial we will learn together.
If those 2 stories were not enough in one hour in the park as I was talking to a friend her kid would not stop screaming “I want my bike” “I want my bike like my sister.” This went on for 15 minutes. The mom kept saying "we will get your bike when we get home " and keeps talking to me, the kids keeps screaming and won’t stop. Mom keeps ignoring him like it was going to go away.
He keeps screaming, finally as usual I couldn't take it any more and I said to the child , “I am sorry you’re disappointed you don’t have your bike;” he quieted down immediately when I addressed the feeling. Then I said “I know you feel left out you cant ride with the big kids but I have a special game we can play we will swing you” ... The child’s mood completely changed after addressing the feeling and paying attention to him. We were then able to finish our conversation.
I am not sharing these stories cause I am saying look at me I am so good at this , Its just that no matter how hard I try to teach everyone that talking about feelings works it either too hard for everyone, or for many unconscious childhood reasons they cant do it. What I have seen in the last 20 years of practice is that most adults have never learned what they are feeling when they were children and it seems if you have not learned feelings as a child you cant teach it as adult to your kids. You can only teach what you know.
And no matter how often you see me or someone do it unless you are in therapy learning how you feel you don’t get it and cant therefore teach it to your children.
I have found learning it in therapy takes a long time which is why I believe it is crucial to also have experts teach your children how they feel to save them years of heartache.
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Today I got this incredible e mail from a Parent who is also a Nursery School Educator . Dear Ava, Today my 4 year old, discovered your book "My Feelings Are Hungry " and began to ask about it. We began by listening to the cd because he was intrigued and as he listened he wanted to "follow along" in the book. My older girls then asked me to print out the words for the song and they were busy belting out the chorus! I then took my son to quieter spot to read the book. I wasnt sure what was resonating but then when he saw the map he wanted me to read all of the street names and with several he interrupted and said "I felt jealous when...." or "I felt frustrated when..." and each time his examples were amazing. He then turned to me and asked "what feelings roads have you had?" We eventually turned to the empty map and continued talking and making up street names as well as he wanted to refer to the other map which had the names.
All in all, it was an incredibly sweet and rich experience and I wanted to say thank you. thank you for sharing, thank you for creating this book and thank you for doing the work that you do so that children can find places and ways to share their feelings.
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When you buy the book...Get a free copy of the song "Gotta Find Out" and sing and dance to it with your Kids when they beg for "more, more more" of everything they see !
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Get a free copy of the song "Gotta Find Out" and sing and dance to it with your Kids when they beg for "more, more more" of everything they see !
Just E mail MushyTheMagicBook@gmail.com a photo of the receipt when you buy the book "My Feelings are Hungry " to get the free copy of the song “Gotta Find Out” .
Again a parent I don't know came over to me on the street yesterday and said "I came in to my kids room last night and the four of them were working on the feeling town map at the back of the book:)! She thanked me for the story and said her kids love it and talk about "feeling town" and "Mushy the magic book" all the time. A friend told her about the book ,and she recognized me from my website:)! This happens a lot (lol)which I appreciate!
The streets in Feeling Town are named after emotions, such as Lonely Lane and Hungry Hollow"
When reading the story: Children all want to know if Feeling Town is real, and if they can visit. They shout out the names of Feeling Streets they want me to add to the Feeling Town Map. Children I don't know approach me on the street, sometimes weeks after the reading, and ask how "Mushy" is, when they can buy the toy, and when they can go to Feeling Town. Parents, and Children I don’t know e mail me or stop me on the street telling me they love the story and ask when the TV show is coming out. Parents also tell me that their kids keep the book by their bedside at night. Teachers have e mailed me that the book was brought in for Show and Tell as the child’s favorite book.
The rhyming text, colorful illustrations and emphasis on feelings captivate children and parents alike.
"Rebecca had a terrible day at school, and she just wanted it to be over. When she got home, she slammed the door shut, kicked her toy box over, grabbed some chips, cookies and soda, and headed straight to her room and turned on the computer....then Mushy the Magic Book pops out of the computer. Mushy freezes time, and transports Rebecca to Feeling Town for adventures."
Check out the “Feeling Town Map” at the back of the book and e mail Mushy the receipt when you buy the book to get a free copy of the song “Gotta Find Out” . The fun book, map, and song helps parents and kids when they “beg for more, more, more, of everything they see.” It helps everyone discover hidden feelings that can cause overeating or misbehaving.
Do Your Kids ask for more more of everything they see?! 9/9//08
Read and enjoy the imaginative childrens story "My Feelings Are Hungry" and stop all the begging and whining. Ms. Parnass in her new book has created a compelling imaginary world in which children can discover for themselves the underlying feelings that are causing them to misbehave or crave junk food. • The story is fun and your children will also learn how they feel and that will improve their behavior and help them feel good about themselves.